Worst Fear
by The Second Batgirl
Summary: The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief. Hilary Stanton Zunin [Javid]


After it was all over, David Jacobs would marvel about the impact that a knock on the door could have on his life. But that thought wouldn't occur to him until much later.

At the time that Bryan Denton knocked on the door of David's third period class, all David could think was that if his department chair was going to be observing his class that day, at least he'd picked a good class to observe. Somehow, David had managed to get all thirty sophomores to get involved with the reading that they were doing. And considering that most teenagers were bored by Shakespeare at 9:30 in the morning, David didn't think this was a very small feat. In fact, he was pretty sure that he deserved a national medal of honor for managing it.

He waved Denton in, and motioned for him to take a seat in the back of the room, without pausing in his explanation of the symbolism in Romeo and Juliet. However, his supervisor didn't move as was expected, but instead waited for David to finish talking.

"Mr. Jacobs, can I have a brief word with you?" Denton sounded agitated, and uneasy. David sighed, expecting this to be yet another parent complaint about having a known homosexual teaching in the high school. _Some bigot probably thinks I'm single handedly corrupting today's youth again_, he thought bitterly. But he meekly nodded, told the class to read the next scene and stepped into the hallway, shutting the door behind him.

"What is it?" he asked. "Another complaint?" David hadn't really appreciated being outed at a PTA meeting, but at least the school district was being wonderful and supporting him and his right to teach. He and Jack had become constant dinner guests with both the administration and members of the union, and David was pretty sure that he wasn't in danger of being fired over his sexuality. Although the almost constant stream of complaints was beginning to get to him.

"David," Denton began, and then sighed. "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you."

David groaned. "Who complained this time?" he asked.

"No, no... it's nothing like that. We had the radio on in the department office, and a breaking news bulletin came on. Your... your partner, he's on engine number 87, correct?"

David unconsciously took a step back, nearly hitting the wall. This was his fear, the fear of everyone who had a loved one in such a dangerous job.

"Yes," he said, trying desperately to keep his voice steady. "What happened? Is, is Jack all right?" David gave up on keeping his voice steady. Just the thought of something happening to the man he loved, who he'd been with for five years, was sending him into a near anxiety attack.

Denton reached out and put a steadying hand on his arm, and David took a small amount of comfort from the gesture. "All that they're saying is that this particular engine was called to the scene of a particularly serious fire, and that some firemen were injured. They haven't released..."

Denton was still talking, but David hadn't heard a single word that he'd said. _Some firemen were injured._ His Jack could be one of them.

"David?" Denton asked, his voice full of concern. "Do you need anything? I can find someone to cover your class if you want to go to the hospital or the station and check on Jack."

David managed to nod, and started to stumble down the hall. He only made it a few feet before he had to place one hand on the wall for balance.

Denton grabbed his other arm. "Could you call him?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

Somehow, the rational suggestion managed to penetrate the fog that had taken over David's brain.

"Phone," he managed. "That would..." but then the realization that there was no way that Jack could be answering his cell phone at the moment, even if he was uninjured. There was still a fire to contend with.

"The station," he managed. "I can call there. They would know."

David glanced around the hallway, trying to remember where he had left his cell phone. It was in his briefcase, the one that Jack... that Jack had given him upon hearing the news that David had been hired.

Luckily, Denton was prepared, and handed his cell phone, an ancient thing that was probably still pay by the minute. Denton had never been a fan of 'new fangled gizmos' as he called them, preferring to stick with the classics. He was the only member of the department who still used a typewriter, as he was unable to understand how a computer was turned on. So the mere fact that he had a cell phone surprised David, but he wasn't willing to argue with the minor miracle that had presented itself.

He just took the phone and began to dial the station number from memory. He growled upon receiving an automated message. "We're sorry, but all available circuits are busy at the moment. Please try your call again. If this is an emergency, you should try 911."

David glared at the phone. This was getting incredibly frustrating. He called again, but received the same response.

Denton looked at him in sympathy. "No luck?" he asked.

David refrained from cursing at him. There was really no need to state the obvious. If he'd had any luck getting through, he'd have spoken to someone and would probably have had his answer already, instead of still being stuck in this hallway not knowing if his boyfriend was alive or.... Well, David didn't want to think about that.

"Mr. Jacobs?" a female voice called hesitantly from the now open door of his classroom. "Sir, your cell phone has been ringing for the last few minutes." Maria, one of David's brighter students, held out the brand new cell phone which was playing the star trek theme.

"Thank you," David whispered, still leaning against the wall for support. He fumbled with the cell phone, and managed to flip it open, and received the call.

"Hello?" he asked hoarsely.

"David?" David recognized the voice instantly; it was Michael Ballat-Meyers, whose partner was also a fireman on Jack's engine. "I'm at the hospital now. You should get here as soon as possible. They've been bringing in injured...." Michael's voice trailed off, and David was sure that he heard a hint of tears. "'s one of them."

"Michael? I couldn't... I didn't hear that."

"Just get to the hospital now," Michael said quickly, and then the line went dead.

"Mr. Jacobs?" Maria asked, her voice full of concern. "Are you okay?"

David could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, but he blinked rapidly, trying to keep them from flowing over. He couldn't cry, not here, not in front of his students. But he didn't trust his voice to try to speak without breaking down into hysterical sobs.

Denton placed a steadying hand on his shoulder, and spoke in a hushed tone to Maria, who nodded and went back into the classroom. David didn't know what had been said, all he knew was that his worst fears had just been confirmed. He mutely let Denton lead him into the office, and hand him a cup of horrible coffee, which was the sort of thing that one only drank when there was no other alternative, but it was the only thing that they had to drink. He recognized some of the other teachers from his department fussing around the office, shooting him sympathetic glances. David just didn't _care_. He wanted to be at the hospital. He wanted to be with Jack.

David sat at his desk in the office, fingers curled around the coffee mug, half listening as the other teachers who were off this period tried to figure out a way to offer their support without offending. David's suggestion that he drive himself over to the hospital had been unceremoniously shot down by the others in his department, who had bluntly informed him that he was in no shape to drive, and that it wouldn't be good for Jack if David got injured.

David felt so _helpless_ and that wasn't helping him at all. The fact that he knew something was wrong, and he was utterly powerless to help Jack in any way... it just made him feel worse.

"I need to go to him," he whispered, clenching the mug so tight that his knuckles were turning white. "I'll call a cab, I just need to be there. I have to go to him."

He tried to ignore the expressions of sympathy that were coming from the other teachers. David stood up, reaching out for the phone, when Denton caught his arm.

"I'll drive you," he offered.

"Thank you," David managed, still fighting back tears. _IwillnotcryIwillnotcry_.

Yet they still didn't leave immediately. Denton had to arrange for coverage for the classes, and David collapsed back into a chair, growing more and more impatient. His fears were giving way to frustration. Somehow he had decided that if he was there, by Jack's side, then everything would be okay. He just needed to be there, and Denton and the rest of the stupid bureaucracy were preventing this from happening.

He stood up again, and began to walk out of the office. He couldn't wait any longer. He needed to see Jack, _now_. He managed to leave the office without attracting anyone's attention, which some small part of his brain registered as being surprising – after all, it was his life that had suddenly fallen into crisis, and people had been fussing over him, yet he'd managed to leave without anyone even calling his name. David wasn't quite sure what that said about his co-workers' observational skills, but at the moment he didn't care. All he wanted was Jack.

David had nearly made it out of the building, when Denton caught up with him, and placed a restraining hand on his shoulder. David tried to keep walking, not wanting to stop, not wanting to wait another moment.

"David," Denton said softly. "I know that you're worried about your... partner, but I did have to finish those forms. I'll take you to the hospital now."

Somehow, the words 'take you to the hospital' managed to register through the fog that had taken up residence in David's brain, and he allowed himself to be led to Denton's Volvo station wagon, waiting for Denton to unlock the doors before he could finally take his seat. David wished that Denton would get a better car, so that he could get power locks like a normal person. Not that David considered himself normal, but at least his car wasn't falling apart.

As they got underway, David's frustration and fear began battling it out. Denton was an extremely caution driver. Normally, David was as well, but in this situation he just wanted Denton to step on the gas and get to the hospital as soon as possible. But his frustration went hand in hand with worry. Soon, he would have an answer. Soon he would know if Jack... if Jack was still alive.

The drive to the hospital only took ten minutes, but David could swear that it had actually been more like an hour. When Denton finally found a spot at the hospital parking lot, David breathed a brief sigh of relief. He managed to open the door, but proved unable to get out of the vehicle. His feet simply refused to move.

Denton looked utterly confused, seemingly unsure how to handle the situation. All he could do was try to motion David out of the car, but David was still paralyzed by his own fear. Ever since Denton had interrupted his class, all he could do was think of getting to Jack, but now he actually had the chance to find out, and he couldn't make himself find the answer.

But he couldn't avoid it, as much as he would like to. He could spend the rest of his life just sitting in the car, one hand resting on the door handle. Or at least until Denton had him forcibly removed from the car. But that would be a lifetime of not knowing what had happened... and that had to be worse than actually knowing the truth. Or at least that's what the rational part of David's mind was thinking.

Completely unsure of himself, he managed to unbuckle his seatbelt, and get out of the car. Trying not to think of the consequences of his action, David began to walk towards the hospital.

The doors swung open to allow him entry and David headed straight to the information desk of the emergency room. The hospital seemed to be incredibly busy, but it certainly wasn't a scene out of _ER_. There were more doctors around than David had expected, but there was still a fairly lengthy line at the information desk. David sighed, and took his place at the end of the line, hoping that the five people ahead of him would be processed quickly, so he could find out about Jack.

David vaguely noticed Denton go take a seat in the waiting area, and he felt a twinge of gratitude towards his superior. Everyone at the school had been incredibly helpful during this crisis, and David made a brief mental note to thank them for it later. After he knew that Jack was safe.

For now, he was stuck in the line. Considering that this was the emergency room, you would think that they would help people find their way in a much more reasonable amount of time. David glanced at his watch, and glared. He'd barely moved in the three minutes he'd been standing there. Not that three minutes was really that _long_ a time, but it was three more minutes where he didn't know anything.

"David?" a familiar voice called.

David whirled around, and saw Michael standing there. His friend wasn't his usual cheerful self; instead of laugh lines, Michael's face was stained with tears.

"Oh god, is it that bad?" he gasped out. He instantly regretted the word choice, but his mouth was going much faster than his brain.

What little happiness that had shown on Michael's face upon seeing David faded instantly. "It's Ryan," he mumbled. "He... he... his _eye_. They said.... They don't think he's ever going to be able to see out of it again."

David pulled Michael into a quick hug. "I'm so sorry," he told him, trying to keep his voice from cracking.

"At least," David said quietly, "Ryan's still alive. You'll still have each other."

Michael nodded. "I know. Ryan isn't taking it very well."

"And you?"

Michael gave him a small, pained smile. "Ryan's alive, and we're still together. So I'll be okay."

"Have you heard anything about the others?" David burst out. Had things been different, had he already known what had happened to Jack, he would have spent more time trying to comfort his friend. But for now, all his thoughts were on his partner.

"He's still being treated upstairs," Michael told him apologetically. "I'm sorry, I should have told you before."

David turned, and headed towards the stairs. "Thanks, Michael," he called over his shoulder.

"Anytime," Michael replied, following him up the stairs. "Ryan is in a room nearby, so I'll walk with you."

They didn't talk the rest of the way up the stairs.

It didn't take very long to find out the room where Jack was in. He wasn't hurt nearly as badly as David had feared. He's simply inhaled too much smoke, which had irritated his lungs. As the nurse had put it, he'd simply been singed a little.

David paused outside of Jack's room, trying to compose himself. There would be no point in letting Jack see the fear that had been consuming him these last few hours. He couldn't risk upsetting Jack.

Knocking to announce himself, he entered the room. Jack was curled up on the bed, holding an oxygen mask over his mouth. He was shirtless, and a light burn was on his right shoulder. There was some soot that stained his forearm, but he was still alive, and that was all that mattered.

When Jack saw David arrive, his face lit up, and he removed the mask.

"Davey," he rasped out. "You came."

David crossed the room and sat next to Jack on the bed. He leaned over, and lightly kissed Jack on the lips.

"I'm fine," Jack whispered, wrapping an arm around David. He wheezed a little, and then covered his mouth with the mask again.

David lightly pressed his lips to Jack's cheek. "You're okay now, everything's going to be alright."

Jack removed the mask, and set it on the table next to his bed. "I told you I'd always come home safe."

"And you always have."

"I love you," Jack whispered.

David repeated the words back to him, and they lay in each others arms, just glad that they were together.

_Author's Note-This was written for the late night chat group, especially the Javid fangirls. I promised them fireman!Javid pr0n... so this is the PG fireman part. I'll eventually post a longer (and pr0nier) version of this on the refuge, once I get around to it. Hope you girls enjoyed. Many thanks to Shimmerwings for beta reading._


End file.
